Empire of aerosol

Features:

1. Canisters can be laid below ground story window to foil cat-buglers.
2. Kills weeds at the root.
3. The cap can be adapted to measure precipitation.
4. It can be stood upright or laid on its side for easy storage.
5. Aspirational value.
6. Will make old, tarnished cutlery sparkle like brand new.
7. It's not literally a can of shit.