Popstar vs Babelfish 1

Hypothesis: Most song lyrics would be greatly improved by being automatically translated into a foreign language, and then back into English, by Babelfish.

Let's put it to the test and see what happens. Today we'll start will ever-popular soft-schlockster Chris Martin and his wonderful song "Careful where you stand", which I've chosen at random from a lyrics database and have never actually heard, but I'm pretty sure I know how it goes. Here is the original Chris Martin penned lyrical poetry:

I feel safe, I feel warm when you're here,
When I do no wrong,
I am cured, when I'm by your side.
I'm alright, alright.
I am safe, when I am with you,
And I feel warm, If you want me to,
I am cured, when I'm by your side.
I'm alright.
Careful where you stand, my love.
Careful where you lay your head.
It's true we're always looking out for one another.
I feel safe, when I am with you,
I feel warm, when you want me to,
I am cured when you are around.
I'm alright.
Careful where you stand, my love.
Careful where you lay your head,
It's true we're always looking out for one another.
So I'd like a quiet time please,
Yeah, I'd like a quiet time.
Careful where you stand,
Now, careful where you stand

Wow. Heavy stuff there. Babelfish will need to be on really fine form to top that magic. Let's plug it in to Babelfish and go in and out of French a few times and see what happens. (Hold on)

Oh, my lord of the dance! Babelfish looks to have pulled off the incredible. Check this out:

I feel in safety, I feel hot when you're here,
when I do not make any evil, I am cured,
when I'm by your side. I'm well, well.
I am sure, when I am with you,
and I feel hot, if you want me with, I am treated,
when I' m by your side.
I'm well of Mr. Soigneux where you are held, my love.
Careful where you prolong your head.
It's we truth; always glance about d'outside for others.
I feel in safety, when I am with you,
I feel hot, when you want me with,
I am treated when you are around.
I'm well of Mr. Soigneux where you are held, my love.
Careful where you prolong your head,
It's we; truth always glance about d'outside for others.
Thus I'd like a quiet time please,
Ouais, I'd like a quiet time.
Careful where you are held,
maintenant, careful where you are held.

It must be clear to anyone with any kind of intelligence that the Babelfish version is far superior. Babelfish has the ability to make use of a subtle turn of phrase which Mr Martin simply hasn't. Babelfish sculpts the language to create new and complicated meanings rather than merely selecting appropriate platitudes from the lost and found bin at Mopey Songwriter HQ. The line "I feel in safety" expresses much more than the cliche "I feel safe". When Babelfish says "Careful where you prolong your head" it actually causes us to consider those places in which we might have prolonged our heads recently, and deeply question whether we were attentive while doing so! Mr Martin's line "Careful where you stand" might as well be ambient noise by comparison. Finally, Babelfish makes reference to a "Mr. Soigneux", a personification of the very caution that it prescribes. This is a literary device that, if I may, pushes the very boundaries of songwriting. Boundaries which clearly cannot hold back the evident talent of Babelfish.